St. Patty Prelube
On this day we celebrate yet another hash and for those who believe in heaven and hell the election of a new pope. So there I was at this nice Irish restaurant/bar and met up with some familiar and unfamiliar wankers, Wiener Whisperer, Sexual Healing, and another virgin brought to you by Sexual Healing, Just Marla (I think you know my attention span). So we had a beer, or two, and went outside to have some chalk talk. It was short and sweet because well I kind of knew where and what I was doing. I started off on my way, for those who are slow I was the hare, and began setting the trail, yes it was live. This being a short trail due to me having some problems breathing on this day my 15 min early start (trying not to use the “h” word) may have been too much. I laid the trail and dropped of the beer stop and shot stop, yes you wankers who decided not to come there was Guinness and Jameson on trail. As I was making my way back to the On-In, yes trail was supposed to be 1 mile, I almost got caught by running into the pack trying to find trail. Evidently I should have explained that I enjoy putting marks on light poles, fire hydrants, garbage cans, hookers, dead bodies, etc. So anyways I had to hide behind a delivery truck for ACE hardware (I think) while the pack was looking for trail. I thought they saw me a couple times and even hid between the cab and trailer thinking they were going to walk by on both sides of the truck and catch me. Anyways they found trail again but to their dismay they found trail after the first beer stop but they did find the shot stop. So I decided to take trail back to the beer stop so they could enjoy the nectar I laid out for them. Again they got lost after the shot stop at a check, I swear dead trails only had 1 or 2 marks, though I did forget to mention harrows at chalk talk and as such did not use them on trail. So after a while I saw the pack again and decided to just go get them and walk them to the beer near. There we had a refreshing beverage and was about to go On-In and decided to just have circle there instead. We did a shitty trail for the hare, some accusations for nerd names, showed the virgin how to do a down down, called out the person bringing the virgin for not informing them about traditions or at least hinting about some key ones, and swung low (the song). On-Out.
Oh and I actually did this right after the hash, the world really is going to end. Damn Mayans were just using slow fuses.
And Ate Good Burgers
On this day in the year of the Flying Spaghetti Monster we had the third PBR trail the day before V Day. The harriette, Elmo’s Fuck Buddy, had us start at the Twin Kegs for a soon to be shigtastic trail. She was met with the pack who was Sexual Healing, Bubbles, and our first virgin Just Kate, courtesy of Sexual Healing. The trail started off with a BVC as we crossed a busy Thompson Blvd to start off on our path to some delicious nectar we call beer. The first beer near was in a shady area near some tracks, I think if not for my immunizations I may have required a shot afterwards. Off we went to continue our trek for more nectar when we came upon our second beer stop which evidently was in an area that smelt wonderful, lucky for me I couldn’t smell the lustrous aroma. After downing our PBR/Milwaukee’s Best we were on our way yet again. As we continued our loop around the Little Mexico industrial area we arrived to our On-In but to get to it we had make our way up a steep incline of rocks to have some beers again by the sides of some tracks. Our FRB for the evening was Sexual Healing where her virgin exemplified hashing by being our DFL. As we had our circle of down downs and received a song from our virgin we swung low and made our way back to Twin Kegs where we had some pitchers of PBR and listened to some live music. On-Out.
The Beer is This Way
We had a shigtastic trail set by Wiener Whisperer and Clueless with Nickel Slut as the beer wench. It all started at 11th & Holly across the street from where the East Nasty r*nners start. Those present for circle were the hare/hariette, Bubbles, Just KJ, Brakes for Nuttin’, and Moist Slacks. We had the usual explanation of marks and sent the hare/hariette on their way with a 10 min start. As we went on our way through many checks and across a couple marks not mentioned in circle we came to the first beer stop. As we drank our beverages at the end of this shady alley we yelled beer near to the racists running by to see if they wanted to join us in our little break for a refreshment. We were ignored. So off we went along the trail again to where we came to a park or really hilly ball park, but was really just a golf course. As we walked onto the fairway we searched for our marks and with the darkness we must have missed one but luckly we were looking around and saw the hare, hariette, and beer wench flashing us, with lights you perverts. So we joined them back up the hill at a pavilion and enjoyed a beer or two or three, Brakes decided to crack open one as we were about to leave. As we made our way on the last leg we got lost and could not find our way. We decided to pick up a wanker, Athlete’s Clit, on our way to the end by 3 Crow. Lucky for us the golf course was our last beer stop before the end. As we made it to the end Clit went on and secured us a table at the bar, not really but we will just say that is the excuse because the real reason is too lame to talk about. As we circled up another wanker showed up, Geezer Pleaser, and joined us for circle and Brakes finally decided to make it to circle after we gave the hare/hariette their shitty trail and made the FRB(s), Bubbles, Moist Slacks and Just KJ, do their down down. So the DFL ended up being Brakes who was technically our FRB for trail #1. Way to redeem yourself Brakes. We had some accusations and made people drink because that’s what we like to do. As we made our way to the on-after we met up with another wanker, Princess Lay Me, and drank some beers. As we drank our beers a motion was made to give a wanker a real name. Some names thrown around were The Sexorcist and The Sexorcist in 3D but this wanker shall forever be known as Sexual Healing. Congratulations hasher formerly known as Just KJ. On-out.
Bubbles’ Birthday Bash
So there I was having a burger and a beer talking with Brakes for Nuttin’ after laying a short trail when 3 wankers showed up, Little Man, Elmo, and Wiener Whisperer. Then 2 others, Chewy and Juggs, showed up after getting a “wake up” call that they were late. We had circle and waited for the slow/late ones to arrive. Then the pack was off as the hare went to the first beer stop, which was where they started from at JC’s Bullseye and got a pitcher ready. After the beer stop we headed, “Who said head?”, off to the next stop. As we walked/ran past a hotel and saw an indoor pool there were comments made why that wasn’t a sex stop as we walked past the night manager and got a confused look from him. Anyways off we went across the street and into some shiggy, real shiggy like the kind you need a machete to get through. Luckily the hare was staying with the pack because the damp grass and dark of night made the harrow very hard to see. So in we went and made it to the next stop where some luscious PBR and Milwaukee’s Best awaited for us. Then it was off again and we made our way into some neighborhood near the bar and made it to the second check. At this point someone was using tech on trail to notify another hasher, Clueless, where to meet up with us. Side note I forgot to call this person out for tech on trail you lucky bastard. At the check we had one wanker who had to leave and thought they cut trail when actually they were on true trail and ended up being FRB. Two others took off and didn’t come back on the whistle check. They were gone awhile down a dark alley, what were you two, Little Man and Wiener, doing? We finally made it to the end a whole 0.7 miles, true trail length, later and had circle. As there is no mismanagement to this cluster fuck that is how circle began as a cluster fuck but still fun times. Shiggy Trail, accusations of: nerd names, being late, ditching trail, and missing trail altogether were made. We sang low and had some more beers. On-Out.